Living with depression

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Honestly, I don’t know where to start.

Here we go…

 

It was my 6th grade year, I was the kind of kid that didn’t know what his purpose was in life; But at this time I didn’t really care. I was trying to enjoy my middle school years. But that didn’t really go according as planned. It wasn’t until 7th grade when I realized I was depressed, (at this time I thought this was how life was and I thought everyone just felt that way and others coped with it, just “another day of life”) I tried to keep to myself but it just didn’t happen that way.

I’d have kids make fun of how I dressed and how I looked (keep in mind that I was young, 12 years old to be exact, and I was a small kid) I was very emotional around this age aswell but I wasn’t a bitch. I didn’t cry or anything…. at least not in  front of anyone. I had a small group of friends I sat with at lunch, we were all nobody’s but we tried to make fun out of it.

I continously got bullied throughout the year and I got into several fist fights because of the harassment. I didn’t really enjoy life at this point, but I wasn’t gonna do anything stupid.

High School

Freshman year came and thats when I knew I had depression. I tried living a different lifestyle but it didnt work out. I always ended up in my room, staring at the wall, wondering why I even stay in this world anymore. I never left my room and when I did it was to eat. I started distancing myself away from my family. I had no relationship with my mom or my two sisters at this point. I felt like a roomate, but one that hides away.

A week before summer break ended I slipped up….. I had a relapse (when everything completely weighs you down to the point where you start blacking out from crying and you just want to die right then and there), I couldn’t breathe and I was just furious with my current life. I grabbed a jar of some sleeping medicine, took about 15 of them out and I launched them down my throat. I drank a brand new bottle of nightquil, took about 10 aspirin and cut my wrists all up and wrote a suicide note. I thought I was certain this was my death. I completely blacked out, I don’t remember what I did after finishing the note, Everything was bloody and I felt blind. I couldnt see anything and I couldnt move. I was completely frozen. I felt my nose bleeding and I couldnt stop, what I thought were voices. I was completely freaking out. Within minutes I wasn’t responsive.

I heard knocks on my door and it was my mom asking to go out to dinner the next night. (I slept for 24 hours straight at this time) I only remember glimpses of that. But I told her I was sick and when she left I headed back to sleep.

32 hours of sleep.

Cops start knocking on my front door and my mother answers it, they are asking for me. “We got a call that someone in this household is intentionally trying to cause harm to himself.” One of my online friends must have called the police. Before I slept I texted my one friend from Washington “bye, you have been a very nice friend.” and she must have somehow tracked my location or something to get the police to arrive at my place.

They sent me to the Halifax hospital in Daytona, got my system flushed and from there they sent me to the “Child behavior center” which was basically a jail where they kept you in front of their eyes at all times. It wasn’t fun at all. I felt like It was cruel to punish kids that just don’t enjoy life. I felt as if I actually did something wrong. When at this time, I thought it was my choice. I stayed there for about a week.

 

When I got home, it just wasn’t the same. My mother never even knew I was depressed. She just thought I was antisocial. I had to go to this doctors office and talk to a therapist once a month for 2 years. My mom also hid every knife and every type of medicine in the house from me. She was treating me as if I were a psychopath. I was also on medication for these 2 years. They tried over 6 different kinds of medicine until they gave up and finally let it be my choice to take them or not.

I started smoking pot to get my mind off of things. It has been an alternate to my medicine and it actually works! I have been smoking for a bit now and I have honestly noticed a change in myself. I got myself to be motivated, want to get good grades in school, I got a job and a car. I started making big goals, goals that anyone could achieve with effort.  I want to make at least $100k by the time I’m 30. That is my ultimate goal. I want to go to college and live up life. I am not a loser. Many people connect stoners and losers. That cannot be done in this case. My test scores have improved and I’ve gotten a lot happier with life. Thats a big leap from where I was. To this day I medicate myself everyday so I could just enjoy life more. I don’t stress and I won’t I will be successful in my lifetime. I can promise that on the world. My tip is to set goals and look at the beautiful things in life like the ocean, space and/or nature itself ❤

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How to get promoted quickly at your job?

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Don’t focus on the negative things.

Let me start from step 1.

Find a good job, Look on Indeed.com if you need help with that.

Once you have a job settled it all starts from day 1. Be the hardest and the best worker. Even at a minimum wage job, don’t think “oh, its minimum wage, I’ll just put in minimum effort.” you should always try your absolute best.

Not only that but if you act as a leader it seems to get you to the top faster.

Be an efficient worker and never give up!

Always be EXTRA
As stupid as it sounds its very true. The harder you work, the better it turns out in the end. It sounds great when your future employers communicate with your past employers.

NEVER BE LATE!

Respect everyone at work and act professional.
Again, no matter where the job, be the best. Never forget that this small job can affect your future tremendously.

After at least 90 days, if you feel like you’ve earned it, speak to the person in higher authority of everyone else. I’ve found out that’s the most efficient way to get things done.

Don’t bring your personal life into work.

If you follow all these steps, you should get promoted pretty quickly. Just don’t slack on your work.

Thanks for reading my blog! I hoped I helped you out! Be beautiful and enjoy the rest of your day!

What is life coming to?

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Life is quite insane if you think about it. Humans are here to exist for a certain amount of time, die off, and a new stage of evolution begins. As if you think about it, only 17 years from now we didn’t have zombie-like people walking the earth with these smartphones. 17 years from now life was too different. Not in a bad way of course. In my perspective I would’ve appreciated it more if i was born around 25 years ago. I grew up as the phones were evolving. I’m not much of a technology person myself. Yes, of course I messed around with it and explored the depths of everything. That’s just the person that I am. I explore into things.

I love thinking into detail about things. For example, space. What isn’t there to love about space? Other than the fact an asteroid can swing by and kill all of us off the face of the earth and/or a black hole can appear and suck us up. But in reality I don’t think that’s how it works. You can talk about space for hours or even days on in. Space is a very interesting subject to bring up. You also got the deep ocean and what not. But I’m not much of an ocean fan. Yea its cool and all but I’d rather not talk about fish.

I’m just here rambling on about nothing. I’m just sitting here at my grandmothers house, sitting on what I’d like to say is the dining room table.

Well the ones that or that i hope will actually read some of my blogs don’t really know me so I guess we can get into that. The ones at didn’t read all up on my page, my name is Joshua and I’m a Floridian. I live in what I’d like to call a small city but others see it as something else. I’m obsessed with dirt bikes and motorcycles. As I actually own two dirt bikes. The both are not running. They both need a bit of work to do on them. I’m a nature fanatic and I just want to do something good with my life. I want to make a difference. I want someone to notice me as a good figure and make decent money. That’s my goal in life. Not to be rich or anything but to live happily and be able to buy whatever I want for myself. I want to have a wife and possibly some kids in the future. Sadly as of now I’m not fond of kids as I find them annoying at times but they have their moments. Well, that’s all I got in my system for now. Leave a comment if you want me to talk about something in particular or just ideas on what to blog about. I would appreciate it very much guys!